What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
