Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
