I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
