my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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