So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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