Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
