I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Boobs are out for the taking
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
