Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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