U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
