you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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