....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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