dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
