Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
