Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
