Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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