A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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