Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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