all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
