any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
