i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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