i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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