There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
