Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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