Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
