So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
