Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
