He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's never too late to be topless.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
