She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
