I puked a lego.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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