The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
