i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it hurts more in the daytime
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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