He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
