she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
