I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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