i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dicks are not precious.
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