I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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