Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
