If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
