i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
