My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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