My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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