Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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