some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You were trust falling into bushes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
