Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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