i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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