is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
