She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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