there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
