yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
