id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
