that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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