Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
