I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
