So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
operation have a gay friend backfired
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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