Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
