His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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