i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
