He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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