How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
